Oh, the comfort

Lately I've had my mind glued to the fact that I will never be able to understand how big God is. We weren't made to have him fit in our minds. All we know is that there is a God out there who is beyond our comprehension, and who is also on our side. How comforting is that!? To me, I am overwhelmed with peace when I think about that. He is so big that I will NEVER be able to understand all of him. Sometimes we often think that we can fit God in our minds.
 
"Not being able to fully understand God is frustrating, but it is ridiculous for us to think we have the right to limit God to something we are capable of comprehending. What a stunted, insignificant god that would be! If my mind is the size of a soda can and God is the size of all the oceans, it would be stupid for me to say He is only the small amount of water I can scoop into my little can. God is so much bigger..." -Francis Chan (Crazy Love)

He doesn't just all the sudden come alive when I pray to Him, or when I worship Him, or when I put my attention on Him. He was doing great works before I had even thought about doing those things. The problem with America is that we think of God as a common thing. We don't focus on Him as much as we should because we know He'll always be there. We settle with the relationship that we have with Him. But the truth is, there is always something more to be taught, whether it's by Him, or others around you. He is infinite, which means His love is infinite, His mercy, His teachings, His compassion, His forgiveness, and His ways. Infinite. Don't settle with Him, because He doesn't settle with us. The question that remains is why wouldn't we put all our hope in Him even when we know that He can do anything? God is able, and He is on our side. Oh, the comfort in that!

Faith > Doubt

Lately I've been struggling with my faith. I don't know what to pray anymore because it feels like my words just bounce off the walls. I don't feel "on fire" like I usually do, and it's probably the worst feeling ever. I feel empty.

I recently began reading Romans, which is probably one of my favorites books now and I'm not even half way done with it! Everything that I have read so far is perfect for the way I'm feeling. It's filling the hole in me and I can't get enough of it. In the first couple of chapters it talks mainly about either doing good or doing evil. Over and over again it says God will be good to those who do good for Him. I read that and I just feel completely refreshed and reassured. God never breaks His promises so why not go all out for this guy? He's the man (literally)! Romans also covers the subject of judging quite a bit. And I'll be honest, I feel pretty guilty because the Bible clearly says to not judge because we are no better than the one we are judging, yet I do it so much! The only good thing coming out of this is that I have been catching myself and others on the whole judging thing. I either stop myself or tell someone that we are all God's children, but they usually just laugh when I say it. But I'm not ashamed (also in Romans, 1:16). Whoa, I didn't even mean to do that! The book of Romans is consuming me!! Anyways, I got a little excited there, sorry. One of my all time favorite verses at the moment (it changes about every week) is Romans 5:10 which says: "While we were God's enemies, he made friends with us through the death of his Son. Surely, now that we are his friends, he will save us through his Son's life." What that means to me is this: Even when we weren't God's friends, and we lived in sin and did everything evil, he wanted us to be friends so bad that he sent his own flesh down to suffer so things could be made right with Him. And if that's not love than I don't know what is! I could go on and on about everything I love about Romans, but the longer this post looks, the more people won't want to read it. And I know this, because I'm one of those people. But the whole point of this post was to share how much my faith was made new from reading Romans and I would encourage all of you reading this blog who have not read it yet, to take the time and really dig in to it. It.is.awesome.

I'm left speechless.

Sometimes it's hard for me to believe there's something bigger than the sky.
Something that lasts longer than the air I breathe.
Something more amazing than the stars I've always looked up to.

I always wonder how long You waited in heaven until You decided to create everything. But then I remember how there's no such thing as time where You come from. In heaven, a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day. You are more than what I will ever be able to understand, and yet I still try to understand. I have moments of confusion when I try to comprehend how great You are. I sit here and try to put a picture in my head of what you might be. But I end up with a blank mind because You are too big for my thoughts. I struggle with the fact that You are always with me. It's not that I don't believe it, it just seems too good to be true. All I want is for my faith to be strong and powerful, so that I can feel that you are always with me.


I can't get over how big You are
And for me to always be on Your mind?
I'm sloppy, sinful, and just a big mess
But with Your love and mercy I am no longer blind.

There are no words to explain who You really are
You can place the blazing sun on the horizon of the sea.
You send me flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning
I guess I'm not used to having someone so crazy about me.

Dear God,

I want you to be inside me. I want every breath I take to come from you. When people see me, I want them to see glimpses of you shining through. Here on earth, life gets really tough but I know that you will never give me anything that we can't handle together. With all of the adventures you are constantly blessing me with, good or bad, I become more humble and thankful everyday. I want to know You, God. I realize that I won't be able to understand everything You do, because if I could, then what's stopping me from being God? That is why You are worthy of all my praise! Nobody will ever figure You out. I pray that I can accept the things that aren't meant for me to understand. Sometimes I wish you could make a special trip down here just to let me know how I'm doing. Am I serving enough? Am I loving enough? What do I need to work on? I need to do all the things that will get me into Your kingdom, and I need to do them with all my heart. When I serve the poor, I want to do it in secret, because You know what I've done and that's all that matters. I don't want to put on a show for the people. If I do, I get no reward from You. I want to do what is right to You, even if it's wrong here on earth. I want to be different. I don't want to be one of those cliche Christians that act like they're perfect and better than everyone else because they know who You are. I want people to know I mess up, and then I want them to see that I am broken. I am sweetly broken, and wholly surrendered to You. I don't want to judge, God. All the people are your children, and You love them even if they don't love You. I want to be like that. Continue to mold me into you perfect vision. Continue to hold me even when I'm lost. Continue to love me even when I abandon You. I love You, but You love me more. I think about You, but You think about me more. You make me smile with every sunrise. And with every sunset I'm more thankful than in the morning. Your love is like the sun; always shining, and never changing. God, teach me to walk like Jesus, I'm begging You.

Love, Your Child.

Patience is key

For the past few days I had been feeling pretty distant from God. It seemed like I wasn't as "on fire" as I was the past few weeks. So as I was sitting in my room, I had decided to really focus on what I was reading in the Bible, instead of just reading it and checking the verses off my list. I'm currently doing the "30 Days With Jesus" in the back of my Bible where it gives you chapters to read in Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John for 30 days about all that Jesus did. I've really been enjoying the Book of Luke during my study. So I decided to go back and read everything that I had highlighted, which was a lot of stuff, and rewrite them in a journal in my own words. So this way it would stick to my brain more, and I would get more out of it, instead of reading it and forgetting about it as soon as I moved on with another verse or chapter. Basically I'm taking notes so that I can have references for later on. Anyways, so I'm writing down the story of how Jesus was tempted by the devil in the desert for 40 days. Then all the sudden, it starts raining like crazy, and it wasn't even suppose to rain! Thunder so loud and lightning so bright, how could I not be close to God? I went outside to see the storm for myself, and it was so powerful. Wind blowing the seat cushions off the furniture, and huge rain drops slamming into the windows. It felt like God was telling me, "By the way, I'm still here." Even when I can't feel Him, or I don't feel close to Him, He is still there...and He has made that known to me. Whether it's a storm full of power and beauty, or a simple answered prayer, He is there, because He is God. Just be patient, because He is always at work. Sometimes that's all He wants from us, is patience.

My God is Your God, cool huh?

When we think of God we think of our own God. I mean, yeah it's still the same God that everyone else is thinking of, but in our heads he is our own personal God. Which isn't a bad thing at all. But something I came across a few days ago as I was reading my Bible, is that my God is the same God who spoke to Moses, who was with David through the battle of Goliath, who literally spoke through Jeremiah, told Adam to name everything, and commanded Noah to build an arc. I think that's incredible!! I always thought of God being MY everything, and nobody elses. But when I look back to when it all started, God made everyone and everything, therefore, he is everyones God, not just mine. It really boosts my faith level up a few notches knowing that the same God I talk to everyday has done these great things for people, and through people. Amazing.

Pull your own weight.

So this morning the LAST thing I wanted to do was get up and go to school. As soon as my alarm went off I became so angry. The minute I woke up I decided that I would not be looking nice for school today. I was thinking some nice comfy sweats would go perfectly with this crappy day. I somehow managed to get out of bed, a few minutes after my alarm went off. I'm pretty sure my eyes were still closed when I turned the shower on. It was not going to be a good day. During my shower I started praying. I found myself praying the whole time I was in the shower. Finally when I got out, I felt so different, so much better! I wasn't tired or grumpy that I had to go to school, and I ended up wearing jeans and a nice sweater thing. I was so amazed by how quickly God answered my prayers! This probably doesn't seem like a big deal, but it was for me. I have felt so distant to God this entire time I've been saved, which has been for 5 years. But now, I feel like I'm talking to someone when I pray, and not only that, but I can tell that someone is there listening! I have come to realize that God doesn't just come to you without you making an effort. Which is how I thought it went down, but I couldn't have been more wrong. "Come near to God, and God will come near to you." (James 4:8) It's all about the effort that you put into it. I was just waiting for Him to make me feel different, without me doing anything. But now, He has been making himself known to me. When I pray now, I always say "Everyday I want to grow closer and closer to You, and I pray that I would never be satisfied with our relationship until it's time for me to go with You." Seems to me that He's been listening, and answering.

Focus on the real stuff!

It feels like each day is getting better and better. When I pray, I feel like God is right there next to me listening. I was reading 1 Kings 3 and its about how Solomon is the new king. One night God came to Solomon in his dream and said, "Ask for whatever you want me to give you." So then Solomon prayed for the wisdom and knowledge to be a good king. He didn't pray for riches or a long life, and God was pleased by this. So not only did Solomon receive knowledge and wisdom, but God also gave him riches and a long life. This story really spoke to me because in Matthew there is a verse that says, "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer (Matthew 21:22)." People really take advantage of this verse a lot. But Solomon didn't, and because he didn't, God gave him more because he was very aware of what he needed rather than what he wanted. We should stop focusing our prayers on the lottery or having a wealthy future. Our prayers should be all about God, we should be thanking him more than asking from him.

Life could be so much better if...

So I'm just sitting in my room, reading my Bible. Then the thought of homework crosses my mind...great. The homework is for dual credit government. I have to read from pages 3 to 42, that's a lot of reading for me. Let me tell you, going from reading the Bible to reading an enormous book about politics is no easy task. I read the first paragraph and was already so bored. I couldn't stop thinking about the differences between the Bible and the politics book. Life could be so much better if I was just assigned to read the Bible for government class because the Bible is truth, it's our sword, our weapon. But no, I have to read something that is brain washing all my beliefs. I know that politics are a big part of the way we live, but sometimes I wish that we could all be on the same page, just once! Anyways, that's my dilemma at the moment. I mean, it's great that I'm even reading the Bible because I hate to read! So lets do the math here: reading + politics + a lot of pages = the worst homework assignment ever. Here come the prayers.

No Worries

"When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. For I am the Lord, your God, your Savior." -Isaiah 43:2-3

This is the verse I came across as I began my new life. I have learned that you can't do it by yourself. I was kidding myself. I would share bible verses to my team, but not for God. I did it for me. I tried so hard to keep a Christian reputation. I realized that you truly love God when you start doing things in his name. I'm starting to figure out that when you are sold out for him, you don't have to prove anything to anyone else. I used to doubt my love for God. I used to doubt my prayers to God. I used to doubt the fact that I was even saved by God. But now that I think about it, I wasted so much time worrying about myself, and I didn't even have anything to worry about! I had a bed to sleep in every night, food to eat for every meal, clean clothes to wear everyday. So what was my problem? I've recently figured out that worrying is nothing but a wasteful thought eating at your soul. Before I was even brought into this world, God had my life all mapped out, and the best part about that is, everyone who believes in him will have a "happily ever after" kind of life. So I'm done worrying. When I go through deep waters, he will be with me. When I go through rivers of difficulty, I won't drown, because he is God, and that alone should be enough.