Not too long ago, I used to hate Valentine's Day.
Throughout junior high and high school, I had confidence issues. Since I was 10 years old I was already at least a foot taller than everyone else my age. So for someone who didn't ever want attention, being the giraffe among prairie dogs was a difficult reality to wake up to everyday.
As I got older, I had sports. I was athletic and I knew it. But even that wasn't enough to feel "wanted".
It seemed like everybody always had somebody, except me. I didn't know anything about love, but it wasn't about that. I just wanted somebody to care.
February 14 became the yearly reminder that I wasn't special.
I remember one Valentine's Day during high school, it felt like all of my classmates had already been called to the front office at some point during the day to pick up their "gifts" from secret admirers. Nothing new.
Then my name was called.
Um, what? You have the wrong Kynzie Newman. I wanted to laugh. But before I could, my friends were doing all the "oohs" and "ahhs" because they knew it was a big deal too. Reminder, I hate that kind of attention. My face got extremely red as I left class and anxiously walked to the front office to receive my Valentine's gift.
"Who in the world could it be from?" I started going through all of the boys I could think of that might have an interest in me. Guess how many I came up with. Yep, none.
Even though I had no one in mind, I still felt excited. Maybe, finally, there was a boy who couldn't contain his love for me any longer. As I chewed on this thought, I was anticipating butterflies the moment I read off the name of the sender. I took a deep breath, and I read the note that came with the roses.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Kynz! I love you! Love, Mom"
I was so ashamed and embarrassed that I had even spent the time thinking it could be from a boy. I kicked myself for getting my hopes up.
As I got back to class, my friends were dying to know who sent it. Fighting back tears, I laughed and said it was from my mom.
I hated Valentine's Day.
Fast forward a few years later.
My first relationship came along my sophomore year of college.
Two years later, he became my husband.
Since being married I often think back to my record, or lack thereof, of relationships throughout high school. I wonder how in the world I got married when I never dreamed up this kind of future for myself as a teenager.
Turns out, high school is a liar. I didn't have that figured out until I met Ian.
Looking back, I have become so grateful for those roses my mom sent. She loved me. She knew I was special. She also told me "Good things come to those who wait." I trusted that. So I started spending my time getting to know Jesus, instead of a boy.
I'm a better wife because of those lonely February 14ths in high school.
Maybe you dated/are dating all through high school. Awesome, I'm happy for you.
Maybe you've never been in a relationship. Awesome, I'm happy for you.
I just want you to know that you ARE special, and you don't need a significant other to make that true.
To understand love in its purest form, get to know the One who is the complete expression of it. Drink from the well of living water, and you will never thirst again.
I'm out. Where's the chocolate?
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
A (Real) Letter to My Future Husband
Ephesians 5:31-32 "As the Scriptures say, 'A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one."
Hello my dear--
Reading Ephesians 5 and it says that marriage is "a great mystery", and right after that it says "but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one."
So what I get from that is that marriage was designed to better understand the unity, love, sacrifice and submission of Christ and the church. Marriage isn't just there for human purposes or earthly fulfillment. It was designed to glorify the Gospel. I pray we rely on God's mighty power to fulfill that purpose. We were not created to marry each other, but to glorify God; marriage just happens to be an illustration of exactly how to do that. So let's do it.
I love you.
-KJ
Hello my dear--
Reading Ephesians 5 and it says that marriage is "a great mystery", and right after that it says "but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one."
So what I get from that is that marriage was designed to better understand the unity, love, sacrifice and submission of Christ and the church. Marriage isn't just there for human purposes or earthly fulfillment. It was designed to glorify the Gospel. I pray we rely on God's mighty power to fulfill that purpose. We were not created to marry each other, but to glorify God; marriage just happens to be an illustration of exactly how to do that. So let's do it.
I love you.
-KJ
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Stop Saying God is Good
I want to punch the screen when I read that.
We have begun to attach that truth to the most shallow, selfish, earthly things:
"I got the job! God is good!"
"Selfie with my man and pup! #godisgood"
"Passed all my classes! God is soooo good!"
STOP.
You're hurting me.
This "Christian" (and I say Christian lightly) culture that I have witnessed through social media is nothing but scary. There's this crazy notion that God exists for us and only us. He's our servant, our maid, our vending machine (as my pastor would put it). When something goes right or the stars align for us, only then do we recognize that "God is good".
If I'm describing you, don't worry. There's grace. (from God and me)
What if I told you that we exist for God? That we were created solely to glorify and praise him. That it was his idea to bring us into the world, instead of us bringing him into our world? Did you know that HE LITERALLY KEEPS US ALIVE and that YOU AREN'T LIVING ON YOUR OWN TERMS?
Acts 17:28 says this:
"For in him we live and move and exist. As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'"
LIVE. AND MOVE. AND (wait for it....) EXIST.
And on the 'living' note, Genesis 2:7 says, "Then the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man's nostrils, and the man became a living person."
As Matt Chandler often says, "Are you tracking with that?"
How about this instead:
God is good because he is perfect, no matter the circumstance.
God is good because he is just, no matter the circumstance
God is good because he is love, no matter the circumstance
God is good because he is merciful, no matter the circumstance.
God is good because he sacrificed the best to save the worst. I mean, really, who does that?
God is good because he made a way when there was no way.
God is good because HE IS GOD. Period. End of story.
He doesn't need us to make him a "good" god. Spoiler alert: HE DOESN'T NEED US AT ALL. God is still God, whether humans, animals, or anything even exists at all. But he wants us. And that is what makes him a good God; that he would desire the chief of sinners and saturate us with the blood of his perfect Son.
Whoa.
That is why God is good, my friends.
We have begun to attach that truth to the most shallow, selfish, earthly things:
"I got the job! God is good!"
"Selfie with my man and pup! #godisgood"
"Passed all my classes! God is soooo good!"
STOP.
You're hurting me.
This "Christian" (and I say Christian lightly) culture that I have witnessed through social media is nothing but scary. There's this crazy notion that God exists for us and only us. He's our servant, our maid, our vending machine (as my pastor would put it). When something goes right or the stars align for us, only then do we recognize that "God is good".
If I'm describing you, don't worry. There's grace. (from God and me)
What if I told you that we exist for God? That we were created solely to glorify and praise him. That it was his idea to bring us into the world, instead of us bringing him into our world? Did you know that HE LITERALLY KEEPS US ALIVE and that YOU AREN'T LIVING ON YOUR OWN TERMS?
Acts 17:28 says this:
"For in him we live and move and exist. As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'"
LIVE. AND MOVE. AND (wait for it....) EXIST.
And on the 'living' note, Genesis 2:7 says, "Then the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man's nostrils, and the man became a living person."
As Matt Chandler often says, "Are you tracking with that?"
How about this instead:
God is good because he is perfect, no matter the circumstance.
God is good because he is just, no matter the circumstance
God is good because he is love, no matter the circumstance
God is good because he is merciful, no matter the circumstance.
God is good because he sacrificed the best to save the worst. I mean, really, who does that?
God is good because he made a way when there was no way.
God is good because HE IS GOD. Period. End of story.
He doesn't need us to make him a "good" god. Spoiler alert: HE DOESN'T NEED US AT ALL. God is still God, whether humans, animals, or anything even exists at all. But he wants us. And that is what makes him a good God; that he would desire the chief of sinners and saturate us with the blood of his perfect Son.
Whoa.
That is why God is good, my friends.
Friday, August 21, 2015
Why I'm confident 'he's the one'
I've read so many articles with a similar title as this, hoping to grow and shed some light on a new perspective in the relationship realm. Truth is, it always takes me about 20 seconds to realize how superficial, selfish, and just plain ridiculous the post usually is. They all sound a little like this:
"If he calls you beautiful every day he's the one. If you're comfortable around him without makeup on he's the one. If you can wear sweats around him he's the one."
Okay, I must stop myself. I'm getting irritated just writing this.
Let me tell you how I know he's the one. It's simple.
My confidence is built upon two truths:
1) God is a mystery.
You're probably wondering "how in the world is this relevant?" Well, if you were to ask me how Ian and I became what we are now, I wouldn't be able to tell you every detail. Sure, I could recall some of the talks we had throughout our process of moving forward, and maybe a few (or hundreds) of awkward moments we had together, but I can't lay out this perfect start-to-finish story. And I find such beauty in that. Trying to remember how everything played out is such a blur--a mystery. So much so, that neither Ian or I can take credit for anything that happened, because we don't really know how it happened. Our relationship is of God because it glorifies God; and our relationship glorifies God because it's of God. Are you picking up what I'm throwing down?
2) He's not a God of confusion.
This one is pretty self-explanatory. First Corinthians 14:33 says, "For God is not a God of disorder but of peace…" Not once have I second guessed or questioned my relationship. I've been in situations where my heart is not at peace toward a certain guy, and I've been confused to the point of tears. This is not of God. And I'm not going to tell you that he wants you to be happy…He wants you to be holy.
To wrap it up, I'll say two more things. First, I want to recognize that in no way do I have this 'relationship thing' figured out, and am nowhere near reaching perfection. There's something to work at every single day. So just because I'm confident in my relationship, doesn't mean we've reached the top. Second, the two truths I listed will not be the same for everyone. You may very well be able to recall every detail of your relationship, and you might have had some very tough circumstances come up in your relationship that caused confusion. I'm not saying my two truths are the only two truths and if you don't line up with them then you're wrong. So please know my heart and my intentions for writing this. This is my story, not yours.
P.S. can we just end all those superficial blogs? Sweet
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Do you really know the Good News?
I'll never forget the time when I was at an FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) meeting two years ago. Sitting in a room of college kids like myself, serving as FCA leaders on our campus, were posed with this question: How many of you have shared the Gospel with someone?
My heart stopped. Then it sank.
One or two hands were raised out of about 20, and I was one of the many sitting there bewildered with myself.
So here I am, all this time pursuing Christ and gaining knowledge about what the Bible says and learning about discernment and all those things, yet I had never told anyone the story of the Gospel.
As I began to condemn myself and feel disappointed, I started wondering if I could even share the Gospel from beginning to end accurately, while making it sound as interesting and miraculous as it really is.
Long story short, thanks to some awesome people, I learned how to share the Gospel. The following summer when I traveled to Europe, I found myself using the same techniques they taught me as I evangelized on the streets of Oxford, England.
So what's my point?
Hebrews 5: 12 says, "You have been believers so long now that you ought to be teaching others. Instead, you need someone to teach you again the basic things about God's word. You are like babies who need milk and cannot eat solid food."
Generally (and I say generally), when I think of American Christians, that is what I think of. The Hebrews. Especially living in a small Texas town, or in the "Bible belt" of Texas where I go to school, mostly everyone claims to be a Christian. The question is: How many of those Christians can tell the story of the Gospel from beginning to end? And more than that: How many can share the Gospel as their life story, attaching personal emotion and making it relatable?
Anybody can read about a story and re-tell it, but that is not the Christian's purpose. We should be teaching and discipling those who do not know the story. We should be sharing the Gospel because they are in the story.
What's happened to the urgency of "making disciples of all nations"? What would Paul say about the American Christians? I understand not everyone is gifted with public speaking, but you don't have to be: The Gospel is not limited to human ability. Anybody and everybody can tell the story of the Gospel with the help of the Holy Spirit.
Are we able to share the Gospel accurately, from beginning to end, starting with creation? Are we prepared to do so if someone asks to "explain this 'Jesus' a little more to me"? Words are necessary, contrary to what that famous quote says, when sharing the Gospel.
Romans 10:14-15 says, "But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them."
If there's nothing you have read so far that has stuck, hear this: If you are a Christian, you have a duty and are commanded to share the Gospel.
Do you know it?
My heart stopped. Then it sank.
One or two hands were raised out of about 20, and I was one of the many sitting there bewildered with myself.
So here I am, all this time pursuing Christ and gaining knowledge about what the Bible says and learning about discernment and all those things, yet I had never told anyone the story of the Gospel.
As I began to condemn myself and feel disappointed, I started wondering if I could even share the Gospel from beginning to end accurately, while making it sound as interesting and miraculous as it really is.
Long story short, thanks to some awesome people, I learned how to share the Gospel. The following summer when I traveled to Europe, I found myself using the same techniques they taught me as I evangelized on the streets of Oxford, England.
So what's my point?
Hebrews 5: 12 says, "You have been believers so long now that you ought to be teaching others. Instead, you need someone to teach you again the basic things about God's word. You are like babies who need milk and cannot eat solid food."
Generally (and I say generally), when I think of American Christians, that is what I think of. The Hebrews. Especially living in a small Texas town, or in the "Bible belt" of Texas where I go to school, mostly everyone claims to be a Christian. The question is: How many of those Christians can tell the story of the Gospel from beginning to end? And more than that: How many can share the Gospel as their life story, attaching personal emotion and making it relatable?
Anybody can read about a story and re-tell it, but that is not the Christian's purpose. We should be teaching and discipling those who do not know the story. We should be sharing the Gospel because they are in the story.
What's happened to the urgency of "making disciples of all nations"? What would Paul say about the American Christians? I understand not everyone is gifted with public speaking, but you don't have to be: The Gospel is not limited to human ability. Anybody and everybody can tell the story of the Gospel with the help of the Holy Spirit.
Are we able to share the Gospel accurately, from beginning to end, starting with creation? Are we prepared to do so if someone asks to "explain this 'Jesus' a little more to me"? Words are necessary, contrary to what that famous quote says, when sharing the Gospel.
Romans 10:14-15 says, "But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them."
If there's nothing you have read so far that has stuck, hear this: If you are a Christian, you have a duty and are commanded to share the Gospel.
Do you know it?
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Grace IS an ocean, and I'm sinking.
I have recently been examining the grace of God. First, I will tell you this: it is ENDLESS and it is AMAZING.
I was reading the story leading up to Jesus' death at the end of Matthew. During his trial when he is taken before Pilate, it is a toss up between who to release-- Jesus or Barabbas. Everyone in the court room during the time was yelling to let Barabbas go. Though he was a true criminal, the people hated Jesus so much they wanted him to take a criminal's punishment. As the story goes, Barabbas is released and Jesus is the one to be crucified later on.
As you and I read this story from an outsider's perspective, we can't help but feel injustice when the people have their way in the court room: "Crucify him!" When you and I read that Barabbas is released, we feel so much sorrow and misery for Jesus. Well, rightfully so. Here's my punchline: YOU WERE BARABBAS. I was Barabbas. On trial for something we deserved. A punishment. Death. And there you were in front of the blaring crowd, knowing what you've done. You were waiting to hear the sentence, though you could already guess what it might be, when suddenly, you were pushed into the mob of people chanting your name. You turn around to see the face of an innocent man, awaiting to be flogged and beaten. And for what? Being the Messiah? Being who he says he is? That's low-- of you, of me.
Yet, in all of this chaos and corruption, Jesus was not surprised. Reading this story last night with Ian, he said something from Jesus' perspective that still rings in my head, and it is the very epitome of the gospel. Ian said (from Jesus' perspective), "You don't understand, but that's okay. I'll take this one."
This is grace. And it is endless and amazing.
I was reading the story leading up to Jesus' death at the end of Matthew. During his trial when he is taken before Pilate, it is a toss up between who to release-- Jesus or Barabbas. Everyone in the court room during the time was yelling to let Barabbas go. Though he was a true criminal, the people hated Jesus so much they wanted him to take a criminal's punishment. As the story goes, Barabbas is released and Jesus is the one to be crucified later on.
As you and I read this story from an outsider's perspective, we can't help but feel injustice when the people have their way in the court room: "Crucify him!" When you and I read that Barabbas is released, we feel so much sorrow and misery for Jesus. Well, rightfully so. Here's my punchline: YOU WERE BARABBAS. I was Barabbas. On trial for something we deserved. A punishment. Death. And there you were in front of the blaring crowd, knowing what you've done. You were waiting to hear the sentence, though you could already guess what it might be, when suddenly, you were pushed into the mob of people chanting your name. You turn around to see the face of an innocent man, awaiting to be flogged and beaten. And for what? Being the Messiah? Being who he says he is? That's low-- of you, of me.
Yet, in all of this chaos and corruption, Jesus was not surprised. Reading this story last night with Ian, he said something from Jesus' perspective that still rings in my head, and it is the very epitome of the gospel. Ian said (from Jesus' perspective), "You don't understand, but that's okay. I'll take this one."
This is grace. And it is endless and amazing.
Saturday, July 12, 2014
Giving Up (in a good way)
I have recently had a revelation: do not worry. Funny, huh? The saying "It says in the bible 365 times 'Do not fear', that's one for each day of the year. Yay life is so easy haha." No. For the past week I have developed a routine in the mornings. I read Psalm 23 (in which I'm in the process of memorizing), Psalm 139, and Luke 12:22-34. These three different passages give completely different perspectives on how and why we should not worry, and how and why we should trust God. I realized that my problem was I never gave the Lord a chance to truly take care of me like he so often promises to. That's how these three texts heal this prideful issue every single morning.
The very first verse in Psalm 23 is, "The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need." Did you read that with purpose within your own life? "The Lord is my shepherd..." as in he will guide you. But that requires you recognizing that you are a sheep: a gentle, prone-to-wander, incapable creation. CREATION. NOT CREATOR. The moment you give up believing and living as if you are the creator, you will realize that the one true Shepherd knows the best way, and, in fact, delights in showing you. No matter how many times you stray away, He will search for you, He will find you, and He will carry you back to His heart. Every single time.
The second part to verse one "I have all that I need." Good, now read it again. "I have all that I need." Now read it like you actually believe it. "I have all that I need." This takes a few times to sink in before understanding that God is truly more than enough for us. When was the last time you were satisfied with the thought "God is all I need"? Convicting, right? How heartbreaking it must be for God to see his children not trust him! How frustrating. How sad. How confusing. How annoying we are to him! Imagine a Father so perfect, so holy, but still his children doubt him. And yet, Psalm 23 ends like this: "Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life..." He is a God who does not meet us halfway, but pursues us wholeheartedly when we least deserve it.
I will not touch too much on Psalm 139, I will let you all read that one for yourself and study it. But I enjoy reading that in the morning because it starts me off knowing how near God is to me. He has more thoughts about me than the grains of sand on the seashore. And no matter how far away I go I cannot escape his Spirit. He searches my heart and tests my anxious thoughts. He never takes a day off with me. He is a God who does not tolerate laziness, which is why he himself is working in me each day to get better.
Luke 12:22-34. If you have never read that before I would definitely encourage you to. The entire passage speaks for itself but I will share with you my favorite part. Verse 27: "Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you." What a sturdy reminder that is. Look around you. I'm sure there is a creation or two near. For me, right now, it is mountains, hills, the ocean. Meditate on how amazing it is. How perfect it is. How it never messes up and continuously does it's job of glorifying God. And yet, we are the ones he cares about the most. We are the ones he chose to spend eternity with. Undeserving, unworthy, sloppy, imperfect, human. "And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession" (James 1:18).
Give the Lord a chance to take care of you because he so badly wants to.
"I am your Shepherd; you have all that you need."
The very first verse in Psalm 23 is, "The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need." Did you read that with purpose within your own life? "The Lord is my shepherd..." as in he will guide you. But that requires you recognizing that you are a sheep: a gentle, prone-to-wander, incapable creation. CREATION. NOT CREATOR. The moment you give up believing and living as if you are the creator, you will realize that the one true Shepherd knows the best way, and, in fact, delights in showing you. No matter how many times you stray away, He will search for you, He will find you, and He will carry you back to His heart. Every single time.
The second part to verse one "I have all that I need." Good, now read it again. "I have all that I need." Now read it like you actually believe it. "I have all that I need." This takes a few times to sink in before understanding that God is truly more than enough for us. When was the last time you were satisfied with the thought "God is all I need"? Convicting, right? How heartbreaking it must be for God to see his children not trust him! How frustrating. How sad. How confusing. How annoying we are to him! Imagine a Father so perfect, so holy, but still his children doubt him. And yet, Psalm 23 ends like this: "Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life..." He is a God who does not meet us halfway, but pursues us wholeheartedly when we least deserve it.
I will not touch too much on Psalm 139, I will let you all read that one for yourself and study it. But I enjoy reading that in the morning because it starts me off knowing how near God is to me. He has more thoughts about me than the grains of sand on the seashore. And no matter how far away I go I cannot escape his Spirit. He searches my heart and tests my anxious thoughts. He never takes a day off with me. He is a God who does not tolerate laziness, which is why he himself is working in me each day to get better.
Luke 12:22-34. If you have never read that before I would definitely encourage you to. The entire passage speaks for itself but I will share with you my favorite part. Verse 27: "Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you." What a sturdy reminder that is. Look around you. I'm sure there is a creation or two near. For me, right now, it is mountains, hills, the ocean. Meditate on how amazing it is. How perfect it is. How it never messes up and continuously does it's job of glorifying God. And yet, we are the ones he cares about the most. We are the ones he chose to spend eternity with. Undeserving, unworthy, sloppy, imperfect, human. "And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession" (James 1:18).
Give the Lord a chance to take care of you because he so badly wants to.
"I am your Shepherd; you have all that you need."
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