Staying Patient

I was getting very frustrated with my dreams not looking like they were going to come true. My heart has been so dead set on serving for years. So why haven't I been given more opportunities? I was so angry and upset, I came very close to throwing in the towel. At one point I remember thinking, "Is it even worth it, serving God even though I don't get to do what I've been dreaming about forever?" A couple nights later I went to a bible study, and it wasn't until after the actual lesson that my heart was reassured.

I was talking to my friend, Kevin, about my struggles. I told him about all the plans and visions I had that had yet to work out. I was growing in frustration as I continued to let out all of the disappointment that was once an invincible dream. After talking to Kevin, he asked me if I was familiar with the story of David. I told him I knew the "David and Goliath story" and how, much later, he got into some "trouble". But that's not the answer he was looking for. So he told me to open up 1 Samuel 16 and 17. In chapter 16, David gets anointed as king. Now lets step back for a second. If you were anointed as king or queen, you would expect to do some legit, powerful stuff. Like, hold a huge feast or travel the land and command people to do crazy things. Well, this was definitely not the case for David. Not too long after David became king, he was sent to play the harp in Saul's court. David was very good at playing the harp, and he was told to go play it because Saul had been rejected by God as Israel's king and was being tormented by a spirit from God that filled him with fear and depression. So David played to make him feel better.

During this time, David's three oldest brothers stayed with Saul's army to fight the Philistines, but he went back and forth so he could help his father with the sheep in Bethlehem. So now, not only did David have to go immediately play the harp for a living just so Saul could feel better, but he also had to take care of the sheep! But wait a second. Isn't this guy king? And he spends his life working? There's a reason for everything, right?

Later on, King David's father sent him to take food to his brothers, who were with Saul and the Israelite army fighting against the Philistines. When he was talking to his brothers, Goliath came out from the ranks shouting and taunting Israel's army. As soon as they would see Goliath, they would run away in fright. But little bitty King David goes and tells Saul that he will fight him. Saul thinks he's being ridiculous, but David replies with this: "I have been taking care of my father's sheep and goats. When a lion or bear comes to steal a lamb from the flock, I go after it with a club and rescue the lamb from its mouth. If the animal turns on me, I catch it by the jaw and club it to death. I have done this to both lions and bears, and I'll do it to this pagan Philistine, too, for he has defied the armies of the living God! The Lord who rescued me from the claws of the lion and the bear will rescue me from this Philistine!"

We all know the rest of the story. King David kills Goliath with just one stone. But that's not the point I'm trying to make. The point is that David was anointed king. He was destined to do great things. But he spent time playing the harp for Saul and taking care of his father's sheep. And even though it was probably the most boring, pointless lifestyle a king could ever have, it prepared him for what was to come. Kevin helped me realize that I am at that point in my life right now. Though it seems like I'm doing nothing at the moment, the tiniest things could be preparing me for the biggest battle I could ever face. I have become much more grateful for the moments that seem "boring". My dreams are once again burning with desire to achieve them. And now I'm just waiting for my turn to rise up.

2 Timothy hurts me

I thought I was doing it right.
Have you been glorified at all?
Why has it taken me this long
to realize my faith is so small?

If I could just talk to you for a minute.
I need to know how I'm doing.
Has my heart even been in it?
What exactly was I pursuing?

You know those who belong to you
and I question if that's me.
If I want to be yours I must stop doing wrong
but God, I'm drowning in a sinful sea.

Am I being used for special purposes?
Or was I made for just an ordinary job?
I want to be made holy, useful to the Master,
Ready to do any good work even though I'm such a slob.



But all of these doubts are overcome by something greater:

You will answer before I even call to you.
While I am still talking about my needs,
you will go ahead and answer my prayers, too. (Isaiah 65:24)

Psalm 69

Save me, the water is rising.
I'm sinking down into the mud
And there is nothing to stand on.
I'm in deep, and the flood covers me.
I'm tired from calling for help.
Won't you help?

You know what I've done wrong
How I blame my bad days on you.
But how can you love me still?
My guilt cannot hide from you.

But I pray to you, God, for favor.
Answer me with your great love.
You are truly able to save
So pull me from the grave.
Jerk me from the mud and do not let me sink.
Command the waters and don't let the flood drown me.

Do not hide from me.
Come near and save me.
I am defeated and helpless.
Deliver and protect me.

I feel like giving up, but there's one thing I know.
You listen to those in need
And you do not overlook the enslaved.
The captives are free, I am free.
Heaven and earth shall praise him.
The seas and everything in them.

I now stand above the waters.
He has saved me, you have saved me.